Into the Woods: Journey to Self-Discovery

My adventure began in March but I didn’t take to the road until closer to April of 2015. As we, my traveling soul mate and I, began our trip returning to Texas on August 16, 2015, we began to share our reflections as we analyzed what returning to domesticity meant and what the next chapter of our lives would hold. When I started I had a lot of questions I wanted answered: who am I really, am I happy with her and can I accept her for who she is? Are the choices I’m making because I want to make them or am I moving along with the masses? What about my career, how does that shape my personal life? What about God, what does He mean to me?  I’ll start from the beginning: Who is Ashley? Accepting me has been a slow process that started in High School. I dismissed all of my friends to find friends that accepted me for me, this concept was new and it was terrifying trying to figure out who I was but I chose the first day of 9 th grade as my do over. The number of people I confid...

In much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. Kahlil Gibran, On Talking . I have been on this Journey to Self-Discovery for two months now and I’ve been asked by friends, strangers and the like “what have I discovered so far”. I have many thoughts on this question but the first is always of their facial expression. As I’m reciting my purpose, what I’ve done, what I’m trying to accomplish, the mentors of the 18 and 19 th century, and the books I’m reading, their expression is changing. Some are taken aback by such grand gestures against the ritual of the American Dream, almost ridiculing; others have this awestruck lust for the life I’m describing, awaiting the rest of the story. Nonetheless, immediately after their initial reaction, the expression is the same; they’re captivated. Often this wonder is met by my affliction. Why? Why do they have to live vicariously through the words of some insignificant number in the crowd, are they not as deserving as I? And w...

In college I read Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Nature and Henry David Thoreau’s Walden and immediately I wished to have an experience such as theirs; an authentic discovery of life with a transparent eyeball , living deliberately , but obligation and rationale conquered. In January of 2014 I met someone, a Lonely Bird in the Sky who asked me one simple question, “why are you here,” and it has made all the difference. Shortly after our relationship took hold I began to write fervently as the embers danced wildly, setting ablaze a facet that had long slumbered sulkily along. I wrote the following as I grew a bit frustrated with our relationship as boundaries began to reveal themselves. Curiosity and Freedom We are confined by the boundaries we so carefully build to keep us safeguarded. But they are truly masked cowardice’s as we hide from the many faces we encompass, afraid to loosen the reign we have on those particular ones of social stigma. This is a terrible hindrance of p...

When I was in the 7 th grade I wrote a poem inspired by Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings . It was about a female, juvenile bird confined to a bird cage. The gist of it was... It wasn’t so bad at the beginning as she fit just inside, but as she grew her back began to ache and the tips of her feathers wither away as she began to outgrow her cage. She was by a window that used to inspire dreams when she was younger but has started to starve her imagination as she began to lose hope in a life where she could spread her wings freely and sing as she pleased. My English teacher returned an exam for the class to review. Bored and full of wonder, I began to write this poem on the margins of my graded exam. After I finished, I tore the poem from the exam and shoved it into my pocket. A while later I realized how foolish the poem seemed, “being an adult is about paying your bills, responsibilities, you do what you gotta do, this is life”. I removed the poem from my poc...